


Softer Sin

by Figureitoutbruh



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 11:07:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3444797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Figureitoutbruh/pseuds/Figureitoutbruh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The CCG gains reopens the case of the gruesome ghoul The Doll maker and Juuzou has some interesting leads, but can he handle where they take him? Especially while undergoing hormone therapy and facing the challenges of overcoming his past for the sake of a now bright future...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This has been my brain's obsession for a week now. Please let me know what you think! This is the first of this multi chapter story. Comments are amazing and really keep me motivated.  
> My [tumblr](http://figureitoutbruh.tumblr.com/) is an amazing way to keep in touch and I will answer all of your questions!  
> Warnings; This story does feature an OC. As well as dead kids. Be Warned!!!

There was never a time that I can remember caring if people stared at me. It just wasn’t on my radar. In fact, usually the more attention I drew, the better job I was doing. Never mind the fact that job had been brutally slaughtering people for other’s entertainment. I mean it was what I had to do to survive. It didn’t bother me really. Not until the past couple of years. Who would have thought I’d be going from a gladiator style life to meetings?! Life sure was crazy. 

There was a pep to my step because it was Monday morning. The average guy hated Mondays. Not Juuzou here, no sir! I adored them. We had the meeting with the other team leads and it had never failed that Akatsuki would bring some precious baked good. Last week it was frosted doughnuts, the week before that it was sweet berry muffins. It was nice of her to bake something for all of the staff. I jumped up on to the railing, balancing myself with my arms swung out wide. Mondays were the only days I was never to be late to work. Sure people stared as I did my tightrope walk but I did have to keep sharp, this small work out was part of what I gave credit for my quickness to adapt to my prosthetic leg. 

My apartment was owned by the CCG, like most of the investigators. We were kind of neighbors in a way. It was rent free and three blocks from the building, so it couldn’t be beat. As I walked I wondered, did I leave food out for Freddie and Hannibal? Their furry faces flickered through my mind. I always had a fondness for cats. I had seen the two of them, one black the other orange and white, as kittens getting soaked in the rain. They barely had their eyes opened. Part of me wondered where their mother went, what happened to her… Did she get killed? That was my guess. I took them home and now they were fat and happy! That made me feel pretty good about myself. 

I walked into the lobby of the CCG and it had that terrible smell of way too much floor cleaner. The clerk knew better than to hassle me about my badge. Before I knew it I was shoving open the door to the conference room. It was almost empty. I looked to see a small blonde at the table with coffee and the paper. 

“Akira-Chan! Good morning!” I said and slid into a wheelie chair gliding behind her. She didn’t turn to look at me; she just sipped her coffee as I kicked my foot to spin me in a circle. “Good morning Juuzou-kun.” She said softly and I smiled into the spinning room. I loved the way spinning, turning or flipping felt. That light tingle in my brain and the slight flair of my body reacting to catch its balance was calming to me. As the chair slowed I propelled myself to be beside her. I looked up at the wall thinking idly. 

I kind of envied the older investigators with beards and moustaches. I always wondered what they felt like. I mean I had no body hair. What would I have looked like if I had been allowed to grow into a man? Maybe like Haise? He was universally regarded as the cutie of the office. I never really paid attention to how I looked aside from my stitches and hair. I didn’t have any facial hair and I never would. 

“What are you thinking about? You’re so deep in thought your mouth is open.” Akira said turning the page. I chuckled as I put my elbows on the table and my chin in my hands.

“Do eyebrows count as facial hair?” I asked and her eyes shot up to me. “I mean, its hair…” I pointed to my own eyebrow “and it’s on your face…” I added trying to justify my point. Her blonde hair waved as she shook her head and laughed. 

“Well, I have eyebrows, does that mean I have facial hair?” She asked as she raised said eyebrow at me. I hid the defeat on my face. She had a point, and a good one. I was wanting eyebrows to count because then at least I’d be one step closer to a man. But the fact women had eyebrows as well kind of countered my point. I felt my lips press into a thin line. However upon the entrance of Hanbee, my partner I waved happily and smiled. He was super tall, with long hair and lifeless eyes that totally hid the fact he was big softie. 

“Juuzou’s early, it must be Monday.” He said and Akira nodded as she pulled out her phone and checked it. 

“Yes it is. Akatsuki just got here. Houji and the others are a bit late; they have a new development in the Doll Maker case that they want to show us.” She said as her eyes skimmed the text. I felt excitement creep into my stomach like happy little spiders. Sweets and a new lead? Hell yeah Monday! Haise and Akatsuki waltzed in at the same time, Haise holding the door open for her. Haise was a bit taller than her. His white hair was a contrast from the black roots that had grown out. It suited him in a weird way though. Akatsuki was the same rank as Hanbee and worked under Akira. Her long red hair was pulled high into a ponytail and she indeed had a box. I jumped up and skipped over to her. “Let me help you with that!” I said taking the box and opening it. 

I was floored to see there were iced cookies with messages on them. “Go team!” “Happy Monday!” “Here’s to a good week.” “Slay ‘em!” I laughed grabbing the one that mentioned slaying and shoving half of it in my mouth. Tsuki and Haise laughed and I sat down with the box, offering some to Akira and Hanbee. Akira took one with a flat smile. I saw Haise had been carrying two cups of coffee, he handed one to Akatsuki and they sat as well. There the smell of coffee and sugar filled the air. It was nice. I saw Akatsuki’s bandaged arm and noted it looked like she was moving better. Akira described her as hot headed and unpredictable, yet deadly in the field. Akira had been through a lot, she took the losses of Amon and Seido much more to heart than I believed she had let on. 

That’s when the big wigs (aka party poopers) barged in and began setting up for the briefing. They took some cookies though, which was always a good sign. Never trust someone who looks the kindness of someone like Tsuki over so easy. Half these guys were quite sour, and that was a pain. 

Houji stood and pointed the remote at the now booted up projector. 

“The Doll Maker has been inactive for six years. Many of you don’t know this case….” He said grimly as he looked over the area that the five of us occupied as if he was frustrated with us for not being old as dirt. Whatever, I just grabbed another cookie. ‘Be Happy!’ this one said. I thought to myself eating the damn thing will make me happy. So I did. 

“He is infamous for preying on young girls. Children, in particular. He breaks all of the major joints and takes the cuts of meat and innards away, presumably to a secondary location, to devour them. He then redresses them and poses them as if they are alive. The latest victim is-“ He swallowed hard. “Seven year old Kishinae Kuri.” 

A picture of a young girl who looked as if she was sleeping with her head on the outdoor table of a café showed up on the screen. Her grey and pink school uniform was still visible even though she was covered in blood; knees were at a funny angle. An angle I knew well, dislocated. One arm was under her head, the other hung limp and twisted out to far to be not broken by her side. She looked so frail and small. Like a bird. I chewed up my cookie as I noted the chair on the other side of the table was pushed out… like he had eaten with her. That was messed up, to eat the poor girl at the table you were leaving her body. I saw that her back pack was missing and instead she had a small bracelet in her hand. The kanji showing was Sakura. Cherry blossoms. 

That’s when I heard and squeak and slide of a chair and I looked up to see Akatsuki standing. Houji folded his arms and casually Akira reached up and tugged Tsuki back into her seat by her sleeve. “That is the uniform of Akatsuki’s daughter’s school, sir.” She said plainly and quickly Houji clicked to set the screen on a page of text. Tsuki’s eyes were dark and her fists were clenched. She breathed deep and looked up, her eyes not bothering hiding the rage. “She was two years above my daughter. She won the spelling competition three months ago, sir.” 

Houji nodded “That’s very well but I need to declare that we need to keep our heads on straight for this one. Please keep a clear mind and try to only let relevant information be discussed at this time.” He said and turned to the screen to read the facts but Akatsuki spoke up again.

“She rode the D train home alone every day, and was out extra late due the fact she played volleyball and was in class plays. She had a high risk routine and absent parents, sir.” Akira flipped through the pages she had been given and raised a hand. 

Houji pointed with a sigh as he gave her permission to speak. “Sir, two of the other girls also rode the D train later in the evening.” I turned my cheek to Houji who was folding his arms with a breath. Now Haise spoke up.

“The trains change staff at seven. So he could be a driver that gets relieved-“ He said and Hanbee finished for him “And grabs takeout.” A dark silence filled the room.

“The uniform would make him an authority figure to the children.” Akira said as she agreed. Tsuki shamelessly pulled out her phone and was texting right in front of the bosses. She was probably texting her kids, or their teachers. Akatsuki was a devoted mother, pictures of her kids were all over her desks and folders. I knew because she kept a dish of candy on her desk that always managed to draw my attention. Twins, a boy and a girl named Shichiro and Setsuko. I didn’t peg her as a mom honestly. She was younger than me! Plus she always laughed at my antics and seemed to not be a very serious person. 

The spark hit me, a serious person…. If it was someone who worked on the train they would have to be older. That would make a scene. This killer had stopped for six years. What made them start back? The missing back pack, the bracelet… 

“Has his method changed at all? Can we see the older bodies?” I asked and Houji flashed up on the screen five side by side images. All of the girls a couple of years younger, their joints awkward and twisted as they splayed on the ground like chalk outlines. They had their back packs strewn all about and littered around them. 

There was a huge difference! He tossed them out without care. Now they were gently placed, almost with care. Now they were treated like actual dolls. Redressed fully, trophies taken… a token left behind, all of this pointed to remorse. They were not positioned like dolls at a tea party. That’s it!

“It’s a kid.” I said plain as day. Everyone turned to look at me. I knew something about killing as a child. You don’t look at it as what it is. You justify it and add a story, a night fighting a dragon, a samurai… a princess being turned into a doll. That’s how you cope. 

“The method and use of force show us it’s the same dude as earlier…” I say grabbing another cookie. “But now the victims are treated with remorse and care. Someone is with him, someone who would feel bad and not be used to the gore. See how the back pack is gone? I bet the kid took it. Also there is a bracelet that doesn’t match her name, like a present getting left. See how the chair is pulled out by her? Someone sat there. Like a tea party.” I tried to be quiet and not make a big deal about this. I felt a wave of disgust wash over the office. 

“All of these are incredibly good theories. “ Houji said and looked over to someone whose job was to gather information. “I need all drivers of the D train listed and cross reference that to any people who had kids within the last six years who work for the train company. Get an alert out to keep girls on their toes. Mention it…” His eyes darkened. “It could be a child ghoul as well.”

The rest of the meeting went as expected. Turn out this case would take priority and it would be a joint task force. Those were always my favorite kind! You got to see new people in action. We were meandering out into the hall when I felt a hand on mine. I looked up to see Akatsuki and Akira, Tsuki’s hand was on mine, her fingers pressed against my palm. Hanbee and I stopped as she spoke. “If it is a child, they could be befriending the children…” She said and I nodded. Akira folded her arms. “We live in the CCG apartments so my children ride that train.” I tilted my head. Was she simply telling me she was worried? Her large eyes had a hint of blue to them, though mostly grey. I looked to Akira who nodded, confirming someone I obviously hadn’t realized yet. That’s when I heard the clear sound of running down the hall and I turned to see the two children from the picture running down the hall as a boy around my age with green hair escorted them. The girl flung her arms around her mother, nearly toppling her over. I remember her saying they were five. The boy simply looked up at all of us. 

“Chiro, Suko, you remember Miss Akira?” She said and the kids nodded as Akira reached down to ruffle the boy, Chiro’s, fiery hair. He grimaced up at her unamused. “Who’s the pretty doll?” The little girl said and I noticed she was pointing to me. “Me? Oh I’m not a doll! I’m a real boy!” I said playfully and smiled at her. She shook her head. “Nuh uh. You gots stitches. That means someone broke you and you gots fixed. Like a doll.” For some reason I felt a throb deep in my chest. The little brat had no clue how spot on that was. “Suko, don’t be rude.” Tsuki scolded and the little girl rolled her eyes. The girl had hair as black as my own, while the boy’s was a flame red like his mother’s. “I just like the way they look, like some people have tattoos.” This must have been a sufficient answer for Suko because she nodded. It was really weird seeing her in the same school uniform as some of those dead bodies. 

Akatsuki asked if the kids wanted to see her desk and they agreed. The three turned to walk down the hall and I noticed how she smiled at each of them when she took one of their hands in her own as they took their spot on each side. I would put money on her smiling like that each time she held their hands. Akira spoke to green haired man. “Thank you for bringing them. We will take them home when we are done.” The man nodded and smiled as he turned to walk off with a wave. He must be a friend of Tsuki’s. Now Akira was looking at me. “We need you to interview the twins.” 

I pointed to myself in shock. “Me?” I asked then blinked a bit as I stared at her. “Why me?” 

“Akatsuki doesn’t want the twins to be scared. Of all of us… you seem like the type to get along with kids.” She was right. Kids did like me. “She doesn’t want them to know they are being interviewed either.” Ah there was the catch! I was supposed to ask about friends and the train without letting it slip I was getting information. It was a pretty good strategy. They would get suspicious if their mom started asking questions. 

“Okay…but only if we can have snacks and juice together!” I said with a smile and Akira rolled her eyes mumbling a ‘fine, fine’. I looked to Hanbee who nodded and went to go work on some of our other cases in the research department. I sighed a little as I walked towards were Akatsuki and Akira’s desks were. So I was to interview two five year olds? So much for a good Monday! 

I could see the small family up ahead in the distance. She seemed to really love her kids. I remembered how Shinohara would watch me as we walked sometimes, just like Tsuki was doing to Chiro. I wondered, if I had gotten to know my real mother, would she have looked at me like that?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juuzou is given a power he as never had. The power of choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter made me so happy!  
> As always, feel free to follow or ask me anything on[tumblr](http://figureitoutbruh.tumblr.com/).  
> Also I did some major research into Juuzou's injuries, abuse and sexuality for this story, you can check it out [right here.](http://figureitoutbruh.tumblr.com/post/112390256512/lets-talk-about-it/)

A vibrate in my pocket made me squint in distaste for the phone as I pulled it out and answered with a sigh. I hated talking on the phone. It was always so hard to pay attention to a detached voice spewing what were usually orders or bad news. It was my superior Itsuki Maurde. The guy had a permanent attitude with me ever since he stole his motorcycle and used to leap into the upper floors of a mall in hail of gunfire to kill terrorist ghouls. This guy really needs to relax and quit sweating the small stuff.

“Report to the medical wing to see Dr. Shiba.” The man’s gruff voice barked at me. A muttered okay was given and I sent a quick text to Akira that I would meet them back in the conference room as soon as I got back. Why was all of this happening so early? It wasn’t even ten yet! I laced my fingers behind my head as I walked with my arms up and elbows out.

The narrow halls mean people turned or avoided me. It was interesting seeing whether they shyly turned or huffed and grumbled. You could tell a lot about someone by how quick they got pissed off. Like Seido, he was so easy to poke and prod! The memory of him rolling his eyes one too many times at me and me threatening to sew his eyelids shut in his sleep after I filled them with salt and lemon juice made him go green and shiver. He didn’t talk to me for a week after that! I felt the smile fall from my lips as I remembered that Seido was gone.

It couldn’t be helped. We had a dangerous job. But really, that’s all we can do. Put up the best fight you can until you run into a bigger baddie than yourself. Fight, win…fight and die. It made me sad thinking of all of the people who were gone or hurt. I remembered all of them and let the sadness lick away from in my chest like fire. It was the best way to honor them after all. I know I’m going to go out bloody and exhausted at the hands of some ghoul. That’s fine with me. I thought about death a lot, despite how little death really bothered me. Of course the people I care bout’s safety and vitality were really super important to me but when you take this job your signing on to a huge chance of being beaten, dismembered and eaten.

I got to the waiting room and saw a friend of mine. Mutsuki was one of quinx with the built in quinque. He was born a girl and wanted to be a guy, so I called him a he. He was shy and a bit reserved but we related to each other in a way not many people could understand. I had been forced to live as a girl too. I never talked about that time really, but I still caught myself calling me Rei. Rei-chan was what Mama called me as I killed for her. She would have much rather had a girl so she took a few tools to what laid between my legs and tried to make me a girl. Mutsuki smiled through his nerves and I smiled back at the eye patch wearing boy.

Dr. Shiba waved us in with two small boxes and his hair slid back in a slimy way like normal but he had that smirk that meant one thing; trouble! The guy was a good doctor and I guess he wasn't too bad of a guy. Colder than ice and not too personable.. he was gruff and not one to mess with pleasant talk or crap like that. Something about him made me uneasy though. I couldn't peg it, but it was like he was clued in on some joke no body else had gotten yet. “I have something for you.” He said and I saw Mutsuki give a small bow. Gah, he was such a goody goody. I peeked over at the small brown boxes.

“What is it?” I asked and he pulled them away. He pointed to a screen that he walked over to and touched it as it sparked to life. I saw a side by side of medical charts for me and Mutsuki.

“Both of you are men with zero testosterone. This is problematic for three reasons;” He said and I tilted my head. “One it affects your ability with muscle growth and development. It’s a bit late to foster certain aspects of it but the principle is the same. A stronger body never hurts right?” He said and Mutsuki nodded in agreement. I remembered my naked body stepping out of the shower. I was lean and had light muscle but it was the small kind that danced along still visible ribs. I remembered Amon’s body and felt a flair of jealousy. I didn’t want to beef up to his size but even getting Seido’s tone was always out of reach. I saw the doctor was looking for my reaction. I nodded too and brought a hand to my lips absently rubbing the stitches in the corner.

“Second is emotional health. A lack of this hormone can cause a detachment and subsequent reduction in responses such as protective instincts, motivation and self-image. Part of you two being brought to the next level as investigators involves all three of these being at a healthy level. You seem to have opposite side of the spectrum here.” He said pointing to Mutsuki “You care too much, get too pressured and tend to give into fear and over thinking. This could be fixed by adding a righteous aggression.” That finger fell to me. “And you don’t care at all. A certain level of detachment can be expected , but if we could bring out your protective instincts and induce some maturity through hormone therapy then both of you will become well rounded.”

I frowned as I felt a little hassled and lectured. I mean of course I was immature, but that was just me. I kind of banked on the fact that I was good enough at my job to get me accepted. Apparently I was wrong. People had discussed this, discussed my mutilation and decided I needed therapy?! Aggravation and betrayal crept into my vision as I gritted my teeth. Before I could speak Doc launched into this third point.

“Romantic and sexual activities is the third area this would help. Mutsuki, the CCG has offered to pay for your full transition to a male. We can discuss options later, but it is fully possible for your well being and the benefit of the organization to aid and finance your transition.” Looking over I saw Mutsuki’s jaw slightly open and tears were lingering in his eyes. I was jealous again. Why couldn't I get that? It wasn’t that I thought about lovers or sex, but damn I wanted that option. Mutsuki had a choice. My choices were all taken from by a brace faced fat ass cunt with a hammer.

“And Juuzou, your…past mutilations have been concluded to be a crude castration of the testicles. Your penile organ, as you know, was relatively unscathed and as such you have been able to urinate without any medical assistance.” The way he spoke made my skin crawl. Was he saying I was lucky? “You should be able to resume normality through a lifelong routine of daily testosterone treatments.”

Now I know why Mutsuki looked so awestricken. This was a chance at something I never had my entire life. A choice! I could be whoever I wanted. I felt like a sailboat that finally caught wind as my hear swelled and soared around. Even my toes felt happy. I could feel my eyes shining as I smiled so wide my cheeks hurt.

“Weekly injections that fade off to once a month in conjunction with this gel used daily should be a strict enough regimen to, how do you say, make up for lost time? I put together these workbooks-“ He said pulling out two thin leather binders. “They contain information on what to expect, daily journal pages for me to track to physical and emotional changes as well as suggested work outs to bring about the desired body changes. Fill them out week by week and bring them in when you get your injections.” As Mutsuki and I took the binders we looked to each other and I was not in least surprised to find tears streaming down the green haired boy’s face. Both of us flung out arms around Doc and he stumbled back.

Happily we bared our asses for a serious of three shots. One was vitamins, which according to Doc was just a good idea. The second was a steroid to aid in muscle growth and to boost the effectiveness of the hormones. Finally there was the serum that would change my life…The testosterone. The gel was to be applied like deodorant every day. That was so easy even I could do it! Mutsuki asked how soon he could have some surgery, with a weird name. I was confused until with a blush he said it was the removal of breasts.

The whole thing only took about fifteen minutes. My whole future changed in less than hour. I felt a little dizzy but as I made my way back up to the conference room I was practically skipping alongside the most cheerful Mutsuki I have ever seen. He turned to me, cutting my path off and grabbing my arms. “We could go swimming…and not be ashamed!” I smiled and tilted my head a bit. He was right!

“Think about it Juuzou-san. I… I can fall in love.” A blush made its way across his face and I felt the realization slap me in the face.

That went for me too. I never gave much thought to love and things like that. I had zero interest in it. Would that change? Clearly Mutsuki still had urges and crushes. I suddenly remembered how he looked at Haise. Was that who he had in mind? Then it hit me, could I have a family? I know I couldn’t father a child but for some reason the thought of Akatsuki and the way she smiled at her children and the way they beamed at her ruffled through deep feelings I had not let myself address in my entire life.

The fact I now had a choice was making me question what I wanted. It had never been about what Juuzou wanted, no sir! It was always what I had to do to stay alive. Kill for mama, kill for the CCG…. I never really was in control of anything. Don’t get me wrong I loved my job and the people here were so nice, but it isn’t like I could ever join a circus or start a family. Those options were taken from me…. Or so I had thought.

Sure enough Akira, Akatsuki and the twins were sitting in the conference room. I suddenly felt a jolt of guilt. Twins… I remembered Kuro and Shiro. I remember wondering if one of them died or was hurt, how it would affect the other. I lingered against the window, my hand on the door handle. Akatsuki was my friend and I guess in a way that made her babies my friends. How would I feel if someone was wondering those dark things, let alone doing them to those precious round faces that were making animal crackers fight to the death.

I swallowed as Akatsuki reached out without looking and stroked Suko’s inky hair. Tsuki was talking to Akira and didn’t even look away as she loved on her daughter. It was that natural for her. Affection was like breathing. When had someone touched me with that kindness? That was pure and loving and something I idolized.

I had sliced, carved and stabbed those girls to no end. I was enjoying their suffering… because my choices had been do it and feel terrible or to make a game of it. Looking as Chiro leaned away and swatted at Suko trying to force feed him I decided no one would ever hurt this family. I never got a mother, I’d never have a son or daughter…. The shot wasn't some magical thing that made me possessive or protective instantly. I think it was the fact I finally felt safe to hope and to look for joy in things I had never really thought I would be able to do. Mentally I was ready for loved ones now. 

But I could keep them safe. No one would touch those babies the way I had done Kuro and Shiro. I had failed with Shinohara but that was before I knew what it was like to lose someone. I was the king of loss; friends, chances, parents, future, limbs. Now I could be the prince of choices.

Suko sighed and collapsed her face dramatically on the table and instantly all I could see was the poor victim of the doll maker. Someone, somewhere would love to tear everyone in that room from limb to limb and savor their screams like secret, violent treasures. The sound of tearing muscle and breaking bone was music to their ears. I knew because I was one. I am just as big of a monster. And if anyone posed a threat to them, I could be that monster easily. Enjoy those sounds and the sights of blood and life fleeing from hollow eyes.

I opened the door deep in thought as I forced a smile.

Monsters were real and they would come for them…but they would have to make it through me first.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put this at the end to be sure not to spoil anything :)  
> This is my [Writing Update!](http://figureitoutbruh.tumblr.com/post/112367475912/here-is-a-writing-update-for-my-fanfiction-an) Feel free to check it out to get a peek into my plots and an about me :D


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What exactly do the twins know?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that this almost took a month!   
> Please feel free to contact or ask me anything on [tumblr](http://figureitoutbruh.tumblr.com/).  
> Comments are love!

I walked into the room noting instantly it smelled…different. Girls smelled different most of the time anyway. The scent of Akira and Tsuki was lingering, not new but welcomed. Akira smelled of rosemary shampoo and laundry soap that tried to cover a close to heart and telltale aroma; cats. Tsuki on the other hand smelled like some kind of light, fresh perfume mixed with something sweet and syrupy. Actually, literal syrup was a good way to peg it. I noticed why as I watched her pull Chrio into her lap and wipe his face as he glared up at her. Did she wipe faces after breakfast too? Was that why she smelled like food so much? 

To be honest I had assumed she was a sloppy person. Occasionally her shirt would be buttoned wrong, her jacket stained. One day her pants were inside out. It didn’t bother me at all, like it did some. I didn’t laugh either like others did. I had never put too much thought into why, I just guessed she didn’t care. I can imagine she rushed most mornings and got herself ready last after wrestling two kids. Rumor had spread through the office that that is part of the reason why she had been paired up with Akira, who was pretty strict and not afraid to correct others. 

Everyone looked at me when I walked in and I casually sat at the table. Suko laid her palms on the table and stood in her chair as she bounced a bit making her long dark hair shake “Hi, Hi, Hiiiiii….” She said and I couldn’t help but just blink at the seemingly rabid child. Tsuki sighed and laid a calm hand on her back and told her to sit down sweetly. The girl did, rolling her eyes as she looked to me and spoke with a very serious look on her face. “I saved you some crackers because I want to be your friend.” She said sliding over a small pile of Animal crackers. I was taken back by the small gesture. Suko then turned her head to Chiro and elbowed him hard in the ribs. He sighed and slid over a juice box as he looked away. Akatsuki beamed proudly at the generosity of her children. 

“I’m Suko!” She said and smiled as she extended her hand in a very adult way over the table. I was amused and touched by the way she seemed to have taken an interest in me. I took her small hand in my own and gave it a shake up and down. This girl had none of any sort of shyness or tact. It was obvious she didn’t have a filter or worry about what was okay or not. I liked that! Her eyes were the same grey as her mothers and I noticed she had a few teeth that came in at awkward angles. The curves of her face and her features were very beautiful but the girl would need braces. 

“I’m Suzuya Juuzou, nice to meet you Suko-chan!” I said as I picked up a cracker and ate it, pushing the whole supposed elephant shaped morsel into my mouth. By the way her eyes lit up I guess she was pleased to see me use such a familiar honorific with her. I looked over to Akira who for some reason had her hand hiding her mouth. I noticed she had an uneaten pile of crackers herself. She gave me a nod to continue. I took it as a sign that I was doing good. 

“See, brother? Grownups like animal crackers too!” She said brightly at her twin who sighed hard enough to blow the fringes of his bangs upward as he leaned in to her and harshly whispered.

“But he doesn’t count, Sis. He’s probably still a kid too.” The boy was trying to be discreet but still for some reason the words stung. Usually it didn’t bother me to be teased or singled out. It happened virtually all of my life since the CCG took me in. I had just accepted it. I would let people assume then prove them wrong in the field. This though, wasn’t about my abilities…. It was about my looks and demeanor. I was short, small, hairless and feminine childlike man eating animal crackers with children who might have befriended a mass murder. Before I could really react Akatsuki shot a venomous glare to Chiro who hung his head a bit. 

“I’m sorry, sir. I’m Hashimoto Chiro.” He bowed his head deeply. “Sorry if it sounded rude…” When he bowed I saw his mop of vibrant hair. It had cowlicks and half curls and swirls all in it. No wonder it always looked messy! I felt a little bad for him; I mean he was so young his legs still dangled a bit because they couldn’t reach the floor. Could I really expect him to understand why I was different?

I shrugged as I reached over and opened the juice and sipped. “No worries Chiro-kun…” I said and he looked back up cautiously with tawny eyes. I looked to them side by side and realized the twins couldn’t have been more opposite. It was curious because they shared the same mother and obviously had been raised with the same expectations and rules. “We can all be friends! I’m already friends with your Mama.” I added on and they both turned to their mother. 

The redhead smiled and nodded “It’s true. He’s a very sweet and fun person. You three will get along!” She said with a smile and the kids looked to each other for a second. I could see some silent conversation spoken through slight tilts of the head and the arching of eyebrows. Now it was obvious that they were twins! They seemed to nearly have this ESP that was so subtle a less observant person would have missed it entirely. I caught my ears burning a bit at Tsuki’s words. Not many people called me things like sweet or fun. I had gotten so used to being called names and being ignored completely I tried to think back to my last compliment and ended up remembering balloons, giraffes and Shinohara…

I felt a wave of nausea roll over me and clamped my hand over my mouth as my stomach rolled and cramped. Was I sick? I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly as he closed my eyes a bit. Oh, right… the shots I had gotten must have been kicking in. This was a pain! I had work to do. I couldn’t really be too annoyed though because in a few weeks I’d be closer to the things I wanted. I was almost happy at the roll of sickness like it was the tide bringing in a new hope. I smiled and saw that only Akira seemed to notice the slight abnormality. 

Tsuki stood and said “Well, have fun with snack time with Juuzou-sama, be good-“ She added with a pointed finger aimed at Suko. The girl scoffed and rolled her eyes biting the head off of a tiger. It was funny seeing Tsuki be so serious and demanding, I had never seen her speak so firmly and gruffly. Now the finger was pointed at Chiro “You’re the oldest, so make sure she’s good, okay, Baby?” She said and Chrio blushed a deep read and looked mortified. 

“I’m not a baby…” He said coldly as she smirked and winked at me and the duo turned to walk off. I was internally melting at the way she called him Baby. It was adorable! The kid didn’t know how good he had it. Obviously Suko loved her twin, even though she picked at him, and his mother was affectionate and caring… How different would I be if I had been raised like that? I pulled myself from those thoughts as I looked up and smiled. 

“So, do you guys have any other friends?” I asked casually as I munched along with Suko. 

From the talk I gathered that Suko had an easier time at school. Her grades were surprisingly strong, I figured she would lack the discipline needed for it. She had four close friends a boy who tried to kiss her at a festival once. Some man named Kaito kept being brought up, saying he was a grown up but a friend. I made note to ask Akatsuki about that. The girl was a chatterbox through and through. She told me about her love of flowers and how she was learning the meanings and Kanji for all of her favorites. Her favorite subject was science, she had a hobby of drawing with chalk and she detested leeks. 

Chiro however said all he did was go to school, play with Suko and Kaito and then go home and play games or read. I wasn’t really buying it. Sure he was distant and shy, but could that really be all there was to his life? Every time I tried to ask more, Suko would speak for him. “He just has a hard time talking to people”, “Chiro just likes to be alone” or “People just can’t see how great my brother is!” His silence on the subject said just as much about it as his honest answers could have. 

The boy was a socially awkward loner who had never had the chance to bloom his own social skills because his loving sister was always taking charge. Perhaps he got bullied? Kids could be quite cruel… I didn’t have too much time to dwell on the subject because within a half hour Akira and Akatsuki returned and I wheeled myself around in a circle to face them. Suko and I chimed out at the same time “Welcome back!” and we looked at each other before bursting out in laughter. 

Akira blinked blankly while Tsuki giggled and walked over as she ran a hand down each other children’s arms saying “I told you that you would like Juuzou-sama!” Once again there was a silent exchange between the twins and this time it seemed to have more back and forth that ended in a sharp kick to Chrio’s leg under the table. 

“Can Juuzou-sama come over for dinner?” I was pretty surprised that Chiro offered that up. Suko nodded and brought her closed fists under her chin as she threw lethal puppy dog eyes and swayed side to side, begging. Tsuki looked a little shocked herself as her brows furrowed. I looked to her before turning to Akira who had her arms folded around her chest with quite the amused expression on her face. 

Tsuki looked from one twin to the other and then turned her eyes up to me. “If Juuzou-sama likes, he’s welcome to come…” She shrugged as she smiled and asked “Do you like Hamburgers?” I felt some kind of nervousness swimming around in my stomach. I was clearly missing something. That always made me feel at odds with myself because I was pretty observant and had great instincts. There was something up with this whole situation. Why would they want me to come to dinner? Could it be the kids needed to tell me other things and didn’t have the chance? That wasn’t likely since they weren’t even aware that they were telling me things in the first place. They thought it was simply friendly talk. There was only one way to find out. 

“I love Hamburgers!” I said and Suko clapped her hands. Tsuki gave me a thumbs up and began to tell the children to say bye, that Kaito was taking them home. I watched her mother goose the children out of the door and hugged Suko before she pranced off. Chiro only offered me a small bow. I watched them close the glass door of the conference room behind them and Akira walked over to me with a clatter of heels. 

“Boy, what did you get yourself into Juuzou…” She said and I saw a small knowing smirk on her lips. I must have looked as lost as I was because she shook her head a bit and laughed. “Don’t worry, you’ll have fun. They are a precious little family.” A familiar shadow crept into Akira’s eyes that all of us investigators felt whenever we talked about family. We had tragically short life expectancies. Any compliment or talk of family made us picture the family without the investigator…

Suko and Chiro could very well end up motherless. I felt a sudden burst of anger at the redheaded woman. Why on earth would she risk leaving her children motherless?! I couldn’t help but remember all of the funerals I had been to and picture the twins dressed in black and crying… She seemed like too good of a mother to risk them being orphaned! At least… I thought they would be orphaned. She never mentioned a boyfriend or lover… 

“Who is Kaito?” I asked and Akira had this knowing look in her eyes that was half interest, half cat that got the crème. She reached up and rubbed the back of her neck as she rolled it in a circle, cracking it with ease. I didn’t really know her father but general office opinion was that she grew more and more like him every few months. The blonde pulled out her phone and began going through emails and texts. She was never the type to text for pleasure, she was most likely reading anonymous tips or looking up theories. 

“You don’t know who Kaito is?” She asked half playfully with a tone of laughter fighting to burst through the surface. I was slightly confused and frustrated. I didn’t know why I was so invested in this case, this family or why I cared who Kaito was! Akira was toying with my like I was a ball of yarn and that only added to my frustration. She looked up from her phone as she began walking out the door and said a sentence that would haunt me for the rest of the day.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be meeting him soon enough… at dinner.”

  



	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juuzou and Hanbee have a heart to heart before he discovers some secrets of the Hashimoto family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for reading :3  
> This chapter is super long, I considered splitting it into two shorter ones but it messed with the flow a bit.   
> Feel free to drop me a line over on my [ tumblr](http://figureitoutbruh.tumblr.com/). Also [ this playlist ](http://8tracks.com/dietzico/c-a-t-c-h-f-i-r-e) by deitzco on 8tracks is an amazing Juuzou playlist. This chapter is pretty much fluff and I totally blame it on [Somebody to Die For by Hurts](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWC35H6JWik) being played on repeat while writing it.   
> Let me know what you think!

Nothing the rest of this whole rotten day could keep me occupied as I rattled images and thoughts in my brain. What the hell, Juuzou? Don’t picture Suko as that victim. Don’t think about the way Tsuki’s hands shook as she realized she knew the dead girl. The smile that the fire haired woman cast down her kids… the way Chiro huffed when his hair was ruffled. Apparently I was pretty damn obvious with being bothered because when lunch rolled around Hanbee offered for us to go to a sandwich place I liked and he wasn’t too fond of. We walked side by side and I could feel the big guy staring down at me from over his shoulder. Shouldn’t I be numb to the feeling of eyes carving their way over me? 

We approached the bar style seating and ordered. That’s when Hanbee looked over to me and said “So Akira filled me in on the fact you interviewed the twins. Did you get any information?” He asked and I leaned over sipping my soda from a straw before sealing my lips around it and blowing, trailing small bubbles up to the surface and making the sweet drink foam and lather.

“Nothing relevant to the investigation.” I said simply as I put my chin in my hand, trying to appear bored instead of anxious. It was a warm day and spring was fast approaching. The restaurant had its doors slid open so a breeze blew in a ruffled the banners and made Hanbee’s long hair sway a bit. I looked down, picking at the stitches on my wrist as Hanbee took a drink of his hot tea. 

“And what about things not so relevant?” He asked and I furrowed my brow but didn’t bother looking up. What was the point? I was failing at this whole pretending thing anyway. I sighed as I let my hands drop limply into my lap and flung my sanguine eyes over to the seemingly pupil free eyes of my partner. 

“The kids kept talking about some guy.” I said as I crossed my ankles and shifted, I was very much not okay with talking about this. I mean really, I know Hanbee is like two sins away from a saint but no one enjoys listening to this type of crap! “I guess he’s Tsuki’s boyfriend or something….” I said as I looked down spitting out the words like they tasted bad. “They let me go in unprepared. How was I supposed to know what questions to ask when they put me on the spot like that?” I said as my hand shot up and flicked out a bit at the wrist. 

Hanbee’s lips nearly moved from their placid and calm line that they were pressed in. He took another sip before turning to me and shelving his arm on the bar. “They-“ He corrected himself, “We all have learned to trust your instincts. They probably have faith in your ability to adapt and think quickly.” That made a whole lot more sense than them hiding something from me. Hanbee was infamous for his calm words and gentle tone, but sliding below the surface of that was usually sound advice. Although I’d never let him know I found his advice solid. He pushed some hair behind his ear as he leaned back continuing. “Besides, I doubt Tsuki has a boyfriend.” He added as he shrugged and looked out of the open door to the people passing on the street. 

I was almost offended by proxy! Why would he doubt her having a love life? “Tsuki is very much the type to have a boyfriend!” I countered and Hanbee’s raised eyebrows gave me a feeling that I stepped into a trap. I however, was sufficiently distracted enough to begin rocking back and forth on my barstool as I built momentum and letting my legs open a bit to keep balance. 

“She is a single mother who works sixty five hours a week.” Hanbee said as he turned back to the counter. “She is sweet enough and cute, but her attitude is sort of….” He looked down as if picking his words carefully. “Eccentric.” I knew exactly what he was referring to. She was slightly strange, overly kind and with a temper like a tsunami. People joked about her clothes, her little girl style of cheerfully greeting people and they liked to call her Little Sister because of it. Was I so different? I was called childlike and frail and made fun of. My balls were watercooler talk for new investigators! 

“Just because you don’t appreciate her kindness and openness doesn’t mean another man would look at it like that…” I said looking down. Why was it Hanbee’s opinion of her was making me a bit angry? Not in a murderous familiar rage sort of way, but in an uneasy way that made me want to debate with him. I hated the thought of others talking about me… I looked at my drink and watched the ice shift in the glass as I chewed the inside of my lip. It would probably make Tsuki angry to hear us talking about this.

“Another man like….” Hanbee had a look of smugness and victory come over his face as he brought the steaming cup to his lips and blew. “This Kaito character…?” He took a sip and I nodded in agreement. I was thinking he was finally grasping my point here, until he uttered two words that made my eyes widen. “Or you?” 

“W-what?!” I screeched as several costumers looked over at us. Hanbee sipped his tea smugly as he finished off the glass. “I don’t think like that!” I added as I rocked my stool side to side with the force of me shaking my head as my hands grasped the top of the stool for support. “It’s not like that Hanbee!” I spat out with quickened haste. 

“Juuzou-san…” He said giving me a look that clearly read as him not buying it. “You practically run to her every morning. You’re at her desk three, five times a day…” He reached up and adjusted his arm band with the number thirteen on it. 

“I like her candies!” I said defensively and continued “She has sweets okay?” I felt myself slipping into a hole here… “Her cookies are great.” Hanbee stifled a laugh with his hand and raised an eyebrow as I blinked not getting the joke. Finally it dawned on me and I punched his arm, through the arm band. “You dirty bastard!” I said and punched it twice more as he howled in a mix of laughter and pain. “You dirty old man!” I said and the cook barked at us to hush. I lowered my head and whispered harshly “I greet Haise like that too! He gives me snacks all the time as well!” 

Hanbee poured more tea as he smiled “Whether you like boy or girl cookies, either is fine by me-“ I kicked him, my ears burning now. What was with today?! Had everyone lost their damn mind? First was this joint task force, then the interview, my unease, now Hanbee being a spirited ass… I looked down in surrender as I spoke.

“I greatly admire Tsuki-chan…” I said as I laid my hands limply in my lap and looked at them while continuing “She is a great mother. Whenever I see her she seems happy….” I looked over my shoulder and down a bit. “I wish I had a mother like her.” Hanbee’s breath stopped and I picked at my fingernails. “I can’t- I have never-“ What was I going to say? ‘There’s no point in it, I never have been able to be romantic or sexual in the slightest because I’m a freak.’ That’s what I wanted to say. Hanbee knew of my past, of my body. It was very careless and unkind of him to be pursuing this topic. “There’s no point.” I said and hugged myself a bit, going back to blowing bubbles in my soda. 

“That’s not what Dr. Shiba says.” He said as he looked at me from the corners of his eyes. I looked up in shock as he tapped his fingers lightly. “Mutsuki told Haise, I was in the room getting files.” He added as he sighed and turned to me. A deep kind of serious calm filled the atmosphere as he laid a hand on my shoulder. “Look Juuzou-“ He began as he looked me in the eyes. “Sorry for giving you a hard time here, but you can chase after whoever you want. Any girl who would turn you down is missing out on one of the strongest, best guys I know. And they are total idiots for it.” My eyes widened even more and a smile slapped itself over my face. “You have options now, and I am here for you.” He said plainly, but the sentiment behind it wasn’t plain at all. 

“Hanbee…” I said as a feeling of warmth overtook me and I threw my arms around the big guy. He was worried about me! He wanted to help, even if that meant teasing and prodding to get information. A lot of the time I felt like I was alone, like Shinohara’s death had taken the closest thing I would ever have to a family. I was pretty wrong about that I guess! 

The cook sliding us our food made us break off the embrace and I happily took the triangular section and bit the corner off first like I always did. I chewed a bit as I tried to really sculpt my opinion of Tsuki in my mind. “I don’t think I like her like that.” I said with a nod as I defined my ideas a bit. I liked being around her. I guess she was pretty… prettier than the other girls at the office for sure. I had never really dwelled on anyone, ever. I wasn’t really dwelling on Tsuki herself. I mean I hadn’t had a private conversation with the girl, like ever! How do you even know when you like someone? I was fumbling in the dark on this one. It hit me that maybe I’d never like anybody. What if there was something wrong with me besides the hormones? 

“Good enough for me. Consider the subject dropped.” Hanbee said as he began to eat his own lunch. We sat like that for the rest of the meal, content and lost in thought as we enjoyed our food and our lunch break bit by bit. The rest of the day rolled by and before I knew it, I was feeling that never- good-news buzz in my pocket from the cell phone I kept forgetting that I had. 

I pulled it out, fully expecting someone to be calling me but instead I saw I had a text. I’d never gotten one of those before. I opened it and saw the number was not in my contacts. It was Tsuki giving me her apartment number, turns out she lived in the same building as me! She told me dinner would be at six and she was very happy that I was coming. My finger typed out a see you then and I hit send as I closed the folder on my desk. 

A lot of people were still working, Hanbee and Akira included. This task force stuff always brought out competition between teams. I guess that’s part of what made them so effective? I kicked my chair in a circle and spun as I let my head hand over the back of the headrest. Hanbee sighed as he grabbed the file from my desk saying “I’ll finish this. Go home if you’d like.” 

My head snapped up and I said a quick thank you before grabbing my jacket and dashing off. I was pretty happy to be doing something after work. Usually it was a walk, grabbing dinner and them going home. I had a lot of energy and staying so routine was a total pain. I felt myself moving my arms a bit much as I walked and cleared the three blocks home faster than I had in weeks. In no time I was at my apartment which I now knew was two floors above Tsuki’s. I opened the door to the narrow hall and was instantly greeted by two furry faces rubbing at my ankles. Their hot breath was familiar and nice. Freddie was the black one and he mewed a high pitched sound like he was in pain just like normal. Hannibal was orange and white and maybe a bit too fat, and he purred deeply. 

“Hi boys! How was your day?” I asked as I stepped over them, checking their food and water dishes as I did so. They had plenty. I had a barely used kitchen that led to a small room with a couch and table. TV was never my thing, so I didn’t buy one. In my room I opened my closet to see a bunch of my usual clothes. Wasn’t changing before dinner what grownups did? 

I stared at the sea of black and white and settled on jeans that I rolled up a bit. I couldn’t stand things touching my feet. Shinohara said it was probably because I never wore shoes as a kid. It just felt all wrong and tickled and hindered my movements. That’s why I worse slippers when shoes were a must. A plain black shirt was good enough. I still wore my suspenders though. They were a nice thing to feel against me, the snug and familiar sensation was a comfort I guess. The cats were on my bed and they looked at me with tilted heads. This was very out of routine! That’s what made it so exciting. 

“I’m going to go have dinner with someone from work!” I said as I laid a hand on each of their heads. I scratched and they purred and pressed their heads against my fingers with pleasure. It was always nice watching something enjoy itself. Especially when I was the cause of it. I opened the sliding glass door that led to a small balcony. They liked the fresh air and just because my routine had changed didn’t mean theirs had to. I checked my pockets, keys, phone and wallet were all there. I double checked their food. Was I stalling? I felt my breath hiding my chest as I laid my hand on the door. 

Why was I going? I hadn’t allowed myself to ask that. I could have said no. Yes, I wanted to see the twins. I really did want to see Tsuki outside of work like I had Shinohara and like I occasionally did Hanbee. I guess I was lonely? Plus being at a table smiling with people and fed home cooked food while we laughed and talked seemed lovely. I could ask the twins about the rest of their day. Tsuki no doubt was a good cook if she cooked liked she baked. What if I washed dishes and she dried? We could talk about our days and then maybe play a board game or something…

I wanted family. I had never in my life gotten to ask a child “How was school today?” I’d never thought I’d be able to look a woman in the face and compliment her cooking. I pulled open the door and locked it behind me as I made my way to the stairs thinking about how this would be my first dinner with a real family. Soon I reached the apartment 342 and I knocked lightly as my stomach found itself in a knot. What if they didn’t really like me? 

The door opened and out stepped Tsuki in a yellow dress with short sleeves and pale pink tights. It was a shock to see her in something so colorful, but I wasn’t really surprised. It suited her well. I had never noticed her frame before. She acted quite girlish and young, her work clothes hid much of her, and so my surprise at her well-developed body was a bit of a shock. “Hello Juuzou!” She said and closed the door behind her. “You’re a bit early….” She said looking around with cautious eyes.

I shrugged and tried to hide the fact I felt a bit bad. I scratched the back of my head “Sorry! I came right over after work…” Her high pony tail had been let loose and wavy hair a deep and bloodlike red spilled over her shoulders. She rocked on her heels a bit as her hands slid in front of her and clasp each other. I looked up to her eyes and saw they were already set on my face. She smiled widely as she shrugged a bit.

“No its, fine! It’s just-“ She let out a breath and leaned against the frame of the door. “Suko is has this condition and when she gets too exhausted or over excites herself she needs medicine and oxygen…” I felt my heart skip a beat. Suko was sick? Why didn’t anyone else know about this? How did she manage this on top of work and raising kids? “She has a heart defect. We have been through six surgeries already, and the doctors…” Her eyes fluttered closed as she paused before looking up to me forcing a smile. “We got her on a transplant list, so it should be okay!” 

I had been so wrong about Tsuki. She wasn’t immature or childish. To be happy when the world was weighing on you took a strength that no one else I knew had. Here she was, tired from work and seeing death and gore every single day and she came home to take care of her children, one of whom was sick. I felt something stuck in my throat and forced words around it. “Is there anything I can do?” 

She shook her head a bit lifting a hand “No, no it’s not like that.” Cracking open the door and leaning back she peered inside. “She will be embarrassed if you see her on the machine is all.” I wanted to sigh in relief. I slid my hands in my pockets and looked down, seeing Tsuki was shoeless herself. A man suddenly peeked his head out and I saw the familiar green hair from earlier. 

“She’s done Tsuki-chan.” He said and he looked over to me, eyes widening in shock then quickly looking away like everyone else. He stepped out and I saw that he was nearly as tall as Hanbee and had a wide chest that would rival Amon’s. I also saw he was in scrubs like a doctor would wear. Tsuki looked from me to him and then back to me before she laid one hand on my arm. 

“Juuzou, this is Kaito.” She looked up to Kaito and smiled “This is Juuzou, he’s one of my favorite’s at work!” She said and I saw Kaito’s eyes drill holes into my own. It was…tense? I saw his eyes turn to the way Tsuki’s hand was still on my arm. Kaito had a sharp jaw and eyes that matched his hair. He extended his hand and I took it cautiously, shaking it as I felt unease hit me. 

“I’m Nakimura Kaito.” He said and forced a smile. “Tsuki has been my closest friend since we were kids.” He said as if he was staking some kind of claim over her. Was he possessive? He let go of my hand and I noticed he was standing in the door way as if blocking me out. Maybe I was paranoid. Okay, I was for sure paranoid but maybe I was being overly paranoid for this particular situation. 

“It’s pretty convenient that he ended up being a nurse.” Tsuki said as she pushed him back with a small hand in the center of his chest. “Move it you big ogre!” Giggling she made him take a couple of steps back and she grabbed my hand like she did earlier today, her fingers lining the fleshy parts of my palm that had callouses from throwing knives, and tugged me in excitedly. I made eye contact as I slid past Kaito and I could see a cold look in his eyes that made me want to…return it. Disrespect and glares never bothered me. I felt like I had something to prove or that I needed to do something to make it known I wasn’t going to take being insulted. 

I had never felt that before. I was very happy not giving two shits about that sort of thing. Luckily Tsuki turned on her heels and looked back at me as her skirt swayed a bit from the motion. On the couch was Suko, tubes and hoses beside her. Both their faces were giving me the same closed eyed smile. Chiro was in an arm chair with a Nintendo and he looked up giving a weak nod and smile. As Kaito closed the door I saw the table set with burgers and fries. 

My eyes went back to Suko and I noticed she looked paler than before. Her skin wasn’t just white, there was a hint of blue around her lips that made my heart throb with some deep empathy and pain. She was much too vibrant of a child to look that paper thin and weak. Chiro closed his game immediately and went to stand by her as Suko slid an arm around him and the pair walked to the table and sat in the floor and Tsuki waved me over to sit as she lowered herself and Kaito came around the corner of my vision sitting at the head of the table. 

We sat and I saw a salad bar of burger pieces; cheeses, vegetables, sauces. I noticed Tsuki making three plates with a grin. Of course she made her children’s food before her own. I loaded mine up with just about everything and it stood pretty tall and leaned dangerously over. Suko laughed at it and said “The leaning tower of Hamburger!” All of us laughed at that, even Kaito. 

At once we clapped our hands and in a unison that made my heart nearly explode we all said thanks for the food. I looked around to see Suko dipping fries in mayo and Chiro taking a bite from a burger. Kaito was cutting his in half and Tsuki was pouting over ketchup that she’d spilled over her chest. She brought the sauce up on her finger and licked it off as she mumbled that it couldn’t be helped. I was smiling so wide I couldn’t eat properly. 

Everyone was happy, despite the fact Suko was sick. Despite the fact that none of us were guaranteed tomorrow, no one was frowning or worried. It hit me as I watched Tsuki smiling at her children that she really did have a good thing here. Tomorrow me or Tsuki could kill or be killed but tonight she looked like the most normal, warm person on the planet as she looked over and smiled at me while she chewed. She was enjoying me being here. I was enjoying being here and being a part of this buzz of talk and laughter. It was better than I imagined, even if Kaito made me feel a little bit over alert and cautious.

I understood all the faces of fear I saw on other investigators before raids. Death held no value or leverage when you weren’t living, but this right here was what I had been missing. I wanted this again and it wasn’t even over yet. Laughing and tasting good food while listening to children ramble about their favorite cartoons was truly living. Even Kaito was joining in, vowing to bring over his old childhood movies and I saw Tsuki flip her hair back over her shoulder and she asked me what I thought of the food. All I could say was what I was thinking;

“This is the best thing I have ever had.”

  



End file.
